If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

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Person 1: It's your birthday? Person 2: Yeah! Person 1: Oh.

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Why did the lady drop her shopping Because she ran into coles

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Why did the young woman have a sore vagina? Because she just experienced intercourse for the first time and her partner was not as gentle as he should've been, given the situation.

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whats worse then finding out your girlfriend cheated on you.. -9/11

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Why did the japanese bomb pearl harbor? they wanted to weaken the US naval fleet to stop the US embargo on oil being shipped to japan

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I came.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Your momma is so boss that I work for her.

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Hey what time is it. 3:15

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Why couldn't the little boy see anything? It was dark outside.

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The real Justin Beiber reallly followed me on twitter I deleted my account, set my computer on fire, scattered the ashes and killed myself

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96

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Why did the blonde cross the road? Because she was stupid.

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what does trondifly mean? trondify is not a real word.

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Why is Obama's name Obama? Obama

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corey is a nipplepotomus

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.

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Man I'm Bored Nice to meet you.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Dead Babies

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A black guy and a Mexican are sitting in a car who's driving??? The Cops

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A Man walks into a car dealership and asks the salesman "How many of these Blue ones do you have in stock" ? The salesman looks at the Man and begins to cry. "Why are you crying" asks the Man "I had a dog named Blue once" replied the salesman. And then he ate a taco in front of the Man,wiped his hands on his slacks and slowly backed away from him. The Man thought to himself..."Gee I'm hungry" and left the car dealership to go buy a taco instead.

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I have read the Terms of Service.

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KNOCK-KNOCK Who's there? There's a man after me, I was just walking down the street and he started chasing me! I'm scared, I don't know what he'll do. Let me in goddamnit! There's a man after me I was just walking down the street and he started chasing me I'm scared I don't know what he'll do let me in goddamnit who?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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