While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Boy: BRB Girl: OK. *Two hours later* Boy: Back. Girl: What took you so long? Boy: Someone asked why I loved you. Girl: Aw, that's so s- Boy: I know! I had no idea who he was! I had to call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Microsoft Windows

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Is this Chick-fil-a? No, this is Joe.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Happiness is just at the end of the road... Just take a look at how long that road is yeah i wouldnt even try

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a fox stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q. How did Kit Kat candy bars get their name? A. It was chosen by manufacturer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock. Whose there? Not your dead mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Little Timmy walked up to the teacher and asked her "Can i go to the restroom?" The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you ?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What would you do if you're eyes just suddently exploded? You would never see again.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

sweaty black guy

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank

thumb_up thumb_down +19

me:I will trade you 5 dollars for 10 dollars blond: Okay! me: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the tortoise beat the hare. The tortoise had carcinoma thyroid cancer in the renal pelvis uterur.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what's white on top and black on the bottom? Society

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what happened to the polish man that was running late for work he got their late apparantly

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

thumb_up thumb_down +17

9/11/01 walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats worse than being hit by a bus and dying? Being hit by a bus and listening to Justin Beiber in a hospital bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

My friend said that onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him with a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happended to the family in the hurricane? They died stupid

thumb_up thumb_down +15

name-Sally-Sue What I am good at in school: readin' annnd...math. What I need to work on in school: spelin

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops