Why does Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? Because she's moaning with the other.

How many feminist does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in, the other to suck a dick.

What do you call an Asian pilot? A pilot...

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Gravity

Why did the baby cross the road? His parents were drug addicts, and didn't pay him any attention.

Whats red and smells like blue paint? A blue waffle.

whats the boys name that has no legs no arms and no eyes? lucky

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An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "How did you lose your arm?" The amputee doesn't respond because he has been deaf and mute since birth.

Why are girls large and round? Because they are raised by wild packs of oompa loompas.

Boy: Doctor! Doctor! I can't see my arm! Doctor: It's because your blind son

My mom's dead

What did my mom get for christmas? My dad, D1ck in a box. My dad's name is Richard.

What's more dangerous than bungee jumping without a rope? Getting into a car with Ben Colbert.

"Hello." "Hi."

alright whoever posted it, like this, then comment your first name

Why did OJ SImpson never get convicted of murder? Because after going to court and proving his innocence a jury of twelve people found him not guilty.

What do you call a black man with scissors.? A Barber.

A polish, english and african man each were standing on a skyscraper. The african man jumped and died. The polish and enlgish men called 999.

GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

Kittens.

A cat fell out of a really tall tree. It didn't land on its feet.

Who can jump higher than a mountain? Everyone, mountains are incapapable of jumping.

A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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