GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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A cat fell out of a really tall tree. It didn't land on its feet.

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Who can jump higher than a mountain? Everyone, mountains are incapapable of jumping.

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A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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What's a Mexican's favorite sport? It varies from person to person.

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What do you call a black guy in space? An astronaut

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What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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Why did the woman drop her baby? she had a stroke.

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What should I name my dog?

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whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

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Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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It is green and it is attached to a fence? Green paint

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

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A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

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A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, "I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first?" "Give us the bad news first", the parents reply. "Your baby has red hair", says the doctor. "Well whats the good news", ask the parents. "It’s dead", says the doctor.

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

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Wanna hear a joke the WNBA

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What did the man say to his son? Hello, son.

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What did Santa Claus say to the young boy on Christmas Day? Santa Claus is a myth, that was actually a pedophile.

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A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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