What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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why does everyone hate chris. cause he's a douchebag.

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your mamas so old, her social security number is 1!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His motives so far are unknown as he is a chicken, and therefor cannot divulge the information.

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how do you confuse a brunette? tell a joke about how there are no beaches in florida

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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a boy walks in a house and mother says hi who are you and the boy says does it really matter whad really maters is wht you will do about your dead son

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What is brown and sticky?

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Child Prostitution.

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What did the cat say to the chicken? Nothing. Animals are not capable of speaking.

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whats the difference between a black person , spook and a porchmoney.... there is none there all stupid stinky n-ag-ger-s

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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*Hands women baby* Women: Hes so beatiful! I'm going to love him forever! Doctor: Its not yours, yours died.

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Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because he was dead...

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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How did the happy clown die? Testicular Cancer.

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What do you call a black pilot? Whatever his name is, you racist.

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Jacob Black and Edward Cullen show up at your house. You tell your best girl friend and she has you admitted to a psych ward because everyone knows they are fictional characters!

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how do you reunite the beatles 2 bullets

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What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari ? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

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"Hell nahhh I called shotgun" -Rosa Parks

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What did the aids patient do after he was diagnosed? He had sex with many more people and gave them aids as well.

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What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? A life sentence

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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