Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why was the asian so good with computers? Because he spent 8 years in college getting a doctorate in computer programming at the University of Hartford

thumb_up thumb_down +37

wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the human say to the human? You are a human.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why was the black man sad? People were frequently talking and whispering about his dark colouring behind his back. Also he had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q: What's black and blue and red all over? A: I'm not sure. If it's red all over, it's not going to be black or blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are read Violets are not green Chicken is good KFC baby, time to get lean

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did dan jump off of the empire state building? -Because Carl pushed him off.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what is the difference between a gay guy and Sarah Dwyer nothing the both like there sex but Sarah is a Guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

lol

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

DONALD TRUMP DIES

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what do you call a black priest? holy shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man walked into a haunted house and screamed. He had stepped on a nail.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what do you call a kid with no arms and legs under a bus an ambulance, he's obviously in pain

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why didnt the kid go in the pool? Because there was no pool!!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock. Shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops