How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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How do you drown a blonde? From her infancy, instill in her a dread of the water. Keep her away from baths and showers, protect her from pools, and as the child grows, regale her nightly with terrible stories about the cruelty of the sea. When she has matured past 18, take her out to the middle of a lake on a boat and push her in.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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"What starts with F and ends with a K?" "firetruck?" "no, f u c k"

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What do clowns put on bagels? Cream Cheese

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minorities.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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what do you call a cup?... a cup

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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Why did the small child fall off a cliff? Because it was stupid

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What happened at the finish line of the marathon? People collapsed in exhaustion, it was a marathon.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

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Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

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What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

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A black guy walks in to a bar.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

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A black policeman and a white policeman work different shifts, one is during the day and one is at night and the both get equal pay.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Your landlord, clear out your stuff by tuesday"

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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