A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Mitt Romney for president.

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shut up

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the light was green

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Today, I had intercourse with a teddy bear

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why did the 14 year old girl cross the road? to get an abortion of the child she became impregnated with after getting raped.

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Shit I forgot to put the slash. Thang god for google

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What do you call a can of beans? A can of beans.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. It's funny because the robot has no arms.

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two muffins are in an oven. 30 min. later i ate a delicious treat.

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Why was the girl crying? She got kicked in the vagina

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Jim fell of his bike, wanna know how. Someone threw a car at him. Knock knock, who's there, not Jim

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-Knock Knock -Who is it? -Your father, i forgot my keys.

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What is brown, smells like shit and on fire? A muslim after the bomb vest malfuctioned!

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Hey what time is it. 3:15

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Why is Justin beaber so white? Because his mother and father both are.

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Yo' mama so retarded shes retarted!

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*ring ring ring* hello? This is a robbery... Dum dum dum.... (hangs up) *beep beep beep*

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Roses are red, Violet are blue, SURPRISE!!! Im about to rape you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

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What's funnier than a midget bungie jumping? Nothing

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Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

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Pirate ships are used by pirates.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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