Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller? A. A baby in a paper shredder

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roses are red violets are red everything's red i'm colour blind

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What did the homeless guy do when he saw a bucket? He peed in it

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Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Rape.

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Knock Knock? Who's There? The Gestapo.

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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A jew, an Arab, and A Scientist walk into a bar. The arab self explodes and kills them all

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What is Chris Benoit up to? Just hangin'

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Why didn't the black man have a job? He was only in first grade.

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What is brown and sticky?

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When does 1=17? How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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how do you get a emo kid out of a tree? cut him down get it: because he was depressed and so poor that he couldn't afford a hair cut or new clothes. he also had single mother whose boyfriend sexually abused him so he was confused about his sexuality. Then people just called him "emo" and said he was acting out so they ignored him and he never gave him help when he asked for it because they said he just wanted attention so he killed himself

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister are in a boat in the middle of the lake when a lightning bolt flashes out of the sky and hits them. Fortunately, no one died because only about 10% of those struck are killed.

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*Knock Knock* "whose there?"... "me"

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Why did the alien cross the road. To get to his ship.

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What do you call postman pat when he is retired? Pat.

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Why did Tyrone attack? Because he was getting made fun of

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French people

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your mom is so old that she farts dust.

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a man and a woman are standing at a bar. they have a few drinks and then go home and die.

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what do you call a jewish ladies boob? a joob

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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A simple math problem. If 10% of men are gay, and 20% of men are chinese what is the probability that a man chosen at random spends his free time and meal time both on his knees?

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How many apples fit in a garbage bag? I actually don't know. I was asking you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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