i had a bowl of soup and it was 5 inches in diameter and 3 inches tall. how much soup did i eat? very little because i drank most of it

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The glass is half an hour.

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Why is Obama's name Obama? Obama

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So I'm balls deep in this turkey dinner....... then i proceed to ejaculate into it and ruin my family's Thanksgiving along with their perception of me.

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What's (333x4)-198+(456x100,432)-10+5? Bet ya said i don't know! I don't either.

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Hi colton

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Ya know why I hate bad puns? Because they aren't punny. In other words they have no real plot and don't make people laugh. They actually tend to get quite annoying.

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did you know Helen Keller had a dog? neither did she.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Pizza. Pizza who? Delivery.

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N e one else find the girl in the cellar from the new evil dead creepy ? Like shes some real demon being used by the movie industry to scare people? (serious qestion)

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What's the opposite of Them Cox? Deez Nuts

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What's the difference between The Holocaust and baking pizza? Pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

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What do you call a kid with no arms annd legs? Names

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Haha

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Why don't rhetorical questions need answers? Because that is what makes them rhetorical.

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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What do you call a school bus full of white kids? A school bus.

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I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now

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When does 1=17? How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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What is brown and sticky?

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Your breath smells like onions.

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What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Nothing, fishes don't speak, and due to their short memory he's probably forgotten about the event already, although he may have a pretty bad headache

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What do cats eat for Dinner? Cat Food.

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whats worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it? being raped by justin beiber

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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