Knock-Knock "Who's there?" "It's the police. We have a search warrant."

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Why did the man have cold feet on his wedding day? The wedding was outside in the winter.

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Why can't stars marry? Because they are masses of incandescent gas and thus have no feelings.

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Once upon a time, You have a nice rack...

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So I'm balls deep in this turkey dinner....... then i proceed to ejaculate into it and ruin my family's Thanksgiving along with their perception of me.

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Why doesn't the chicken wear pants? Beacuse its pecker is on its face.

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A man walks into a bar, he then falls unconscious and driven safely to the hospital.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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...and I'm a Mormon.

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What did little Robbie get for Christmas? AIDS

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Why was the plumber very sad Because i killed his family

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What is laying in the corner of the living room of an abandoned house and keeps getting smaller over the years? A decaying baby left there by a crack-head.

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Bobby walked into a bar. He was then escorted out of the bar and arrested because he was underage.

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Welcome to AntiJoke.com Jeff. Jeff just got his mind blown.

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Q: why did the plain crash A: because the driver was a loaf of bread

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Whats ironic about the Facebook "like" button? Nothing

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What's the difference between a single mom and a stripper? Job status.

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What does a man like. food.

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Gadaffi

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How many Aodhan's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Aodhan's da has already screwed all the lightbulbs...

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What do you do when you see a black man? The same thing you do when you see anybody.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he felt like it.

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name-Sally-Sue What I am good at in school: readin' annnd...math. What I need to work on in school: spelin

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A guy is playing cod

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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