Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

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What is the best thing since sliced bread? Sliced butter.

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What do you call a fat Mexican? Whatever his name is.

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What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

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Is this Chick-fil-a? No, this is Joe.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Yo momma is so ugly, she might not win the "America's next top model" contest.

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

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Someone once told me a joke. It was funny.

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why was six afraid of seven? cause seven raped and pillaged eight's family.

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What did the mail man say to the resident? I have your mail. Now let's f*ck.

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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Why hasn't Justin Bieber gone through puberty. Usher Chopped his balls off.

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A plane crashed in the rainforest. The survivors all buried themselves because no survival equipment were left and they all sought to kill themselves in their deep state of shock and fear.

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Knock knock Come in!

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why is 5 afraid of 6? it isnt

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why do sausage rolls taste of sausage and not roll? Seriously -_- what?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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