A baby seal walks into a club...

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Two gay men in a hottub. They relaxed for about half an hour before getting out and going to the bed, where they fell asleep.

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Why did the Jew pick up the loose change on the ground?Because he has to use it for taxi money to get back home.

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How can you tell Egyptian Bees are tired? When they put down their suitcases and yell "IM Tired!"

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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Why did the used car salesman stop selling cars? He got fired.

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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why did the koala fall out of the tree it was dead why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree it was hit by the first koala why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree it thought it was a game why did the 4th koala fall out of the tree it was fit by a fridge why did the 5th koala fall out of the tree it was inside the fridge why did the 6th koala fall out of the tree it was punished for dropping a fridge why did the 7th koala fall out of the tree it committed suicide after framing the 6th koala

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What's the difference between a black man with a pie and an asian with an apple. They're of different ethnicitiesand cultures, and are holding different foods.

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do you know a really good joke? i don't have one.

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roses are red, violets are not, this poem makes no sense. Bananas

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Why did little Timmy get absolutely nothing for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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whats more serious than rape... the holocaust

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What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra that's just been shot, despite the fact that zebra hunting is illegal.

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Tacos

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Why did the black man win the race Because he was faster than all the other contestants

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Mmmmmmm Lemons

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why did Louisa go black and never go back? She got hit by a truck

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Why did phil krahn go to the store? To get one of those suits

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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