Morgan Freeman walks into a bar. Everyone is pleasantly surprised they are in the presence of a celebrity.

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch? Names

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? the wnba

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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What do you call a can of beans? A can of beans.

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George W. Bush

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steves legs

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Q: Why is the sun so bright? A: Because it reads books!

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Why did the man have cold feet on his wedding day? The wedding was outside in the winter.

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Why couldn't santa eat cookies and milk at little Jimmy's house? He has diabetes and is unable to stray from a strict diet prescribed by his local doctor.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Why did the cow lay down? Because he was tired

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why did stacey marry bally because she loves him

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have genital warts Now you do too

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Knock knock.* Who is it? The police. We have news that your daughter was molested and will never been seen again for the man who stole her has takin' her out of our jurisdiction.

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Q: why did the plain crash A: because the driver was a loaf of bread

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. I'm calling the police.

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*Look Down* Nice shoes, wanna F@#k?

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what's better than animal crackers? your mom.

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What did the cow call the hen? A hen, what else would you call it?

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How do you get an elephant into a fridge? You can't - elephants are too big to fit in fridges. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? You can't, see above. If there is a raging fire in the jungle, which animal will survive? Most likely the parrots and other birds, as they can fly away.

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PENIS

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What's the opposite of Them Cox? Deez Nuts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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