A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What do you call a fat Mexican? Whatever his name is.

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Why did the fly get off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Little billy was annoying me But he can't anymore Because now he's dead In a burlap sack In the back of my truck And it's really bloody back there

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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Why couldn't the kid get into the Pirate movie? He died in a car crash on the way there because of a drunk driver.

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OH NO, ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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Potato salad

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What has lips and smells like a fish? A fish.

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once three middle easterns were walking down the street bomb bomb bomb

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Someone once told me a joke. It was funny.

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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How did Hitler like his steaks? He didn't like steaks, he was a vegetarian.

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Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

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9/11/01 walks into a bar

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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A man about to get on a plane forgets to store his utility knife in his bag before the security scan. He is taken to a back room for private questioning and fined.

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Q. What's brown and people don't care when they step on it? A. Dirt

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whats more serious than rape... the holocaust

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What happened when a black man's phone went off? He answered it.

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A teenage boy tells his family that he is gay. His mother says she had always known, and they accept him for who he is.

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Why did the 40 year old man quickly close his web page when his wife called his name? Because he had to leave.

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Why did phil krahn go to the store? To get one of those suits

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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