Why are blonds so stupid? Because our society is insecure and we need a common denominator to pick on, so we can feel more comfortable with our mediocre lives.

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How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? Open the door and let the elephant out then give the giraffe a reasonable amount of time to enter.

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What's funny and arousing? This joke.

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What's big, grey and can't swim? A castle

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Your mom is so fat that it's becoming a serious health concern...

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Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a big fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men did not come to help him because the United States does not have a patriarchal system of government.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Although they both possess the extraordinary ability to speak, strangely each remains silent, apparently lost in their own thoughts. Thus nobody has any reason to think they are any different than any other muffins. Later after they've been baked and allowed to cool, they are sold to a woman who eats them along with a small salad. She enjoys their chewy, hearty texture, and lightly sweet taste. She is completely unaware of what amazing discovery has just been lost to science.

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Why did the man fall down the steps? I shot him in the face.

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Why couldn't the orphans go on the field trip? Their parents couldn't sign the permission slip.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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what's red and fluffy ... red fluff

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What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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A man walks into a bar and says ouch, as he stubbed his foot when he became fully enclosed in the tavern.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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What's worse than the holocaust? The Russian Revolution

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There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two (I sense the public demanding an encore) There once was a man from Verdun There's also a limerick about Emperor Nero, but I can't tell it to you.

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Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? Neither have i

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff.

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Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

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What runs faster than a dead baby? Almost everything.

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whats the best thing about fukkin twentyone year olds...theres twenty of them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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