What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

what do you call the one eyed man in the land of the blind? You call him an outcast

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man asked a friend at work if he could have $100, his friend replied "sure I'll give it to you when pigs fly", that man never received $100 dollars from his friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did man push another man off of a building? Because he is a homocidal maniac and should be in federal prison

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the black man win the staring contest? He's good at staring

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

knock knock. who's there? whoer whoer who? whoer you?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than being a replacement? An insufficient replacement.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you starve a black person? Hide his food stamps in his work boots

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock Knock Why are you knocking? I have a doorbell.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

an invisible man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. No one noticed him cause hes invisible

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I LIKE TURLES.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

4 out of 5 Americans make up 80% of Americans

thumb_up thumb_down +24

there are two hicks named Billy Bob and Joe. Billy Bob decides to go to college so he goes to sign up for classes. The Dean of the school decides to help him out and tells him he will be taking math, writing, and logic. Billy Bob is okay with the math and writing but then asks "what the hell is logic?" The Dean thinks for a moment and then says "Okay for example, do you have a weedwacker?" Billy Bob says "yeah i got a weed wacker" so then Dean says "So that probably means you have a yard." Billy Bob goes "yeah i got a yard" So the Dean says "so if youve got a yard you've probably got a house." Billy Bob goes "hell ya i got a house!" The Dean says "and if youve got a house that probably means you've got a wife." Billy Bob goes "ya! i got a wife" so the Dean says "If you have a wife then that means you are heterosexual" and Billy Bob goes "of course im heterosexual!" So the Dean goes "See Billy Bob, thats logic." Amazed by this, Billy Bob goes back to Joe and starts to tell him about his classes. He explains he will be taking math, writing and logic. Joe is confused so he asked Billy Bob "what the hell is logic!?" Billy Bob thinks for a moment and goes "okay how can i explain this....okay joe, do you have a weed wacker?" and Joe responds "no Billy Bob i dont got a week wacker..." Billy Bob: "I KNEW YOU WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running. From the forest. That hell hole. He had got away, but he could remember. The darkness. The silence. Until the unmistakable scream of the guns and then- The Running. The Screaming. The Blood, oh the blood. Seeing Charlie. Oh, that damned soul Charlie. The bullet went right- But that was long ago. So long. But sometimes, in the silence, Chicken remembers. The Running. The Screaming. The Blood. And he screams.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two black guys are in an elevator, one guy gets off at the sixth floor, and the other on the eighth. And thats it.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats worse than a dead dog? 5 dead babies and a dead dog...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops