Who is Red and White and comes on Christmas? A Russian Candy Cane

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How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

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OH NO, ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!

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What's long, hard, and full of semen? a penis.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Somebody pushed it

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A lady goes into the store to buy potatoes. Then she eats them.

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Why did the dog bark? Who knows, dogs bark for many reasons unknown to humans.

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Q: I am an over-protective father looking for my son who was kidnapped and am suddenly traveling with a mentally retarded woman who cant remember her name. By the way my wife was murdered and my son has physical disorder. Then, im hooked up with a hippy who doesnt care about anything. Who am I? A: Marlin the clownfish (from Finding Nemo).

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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NEVER

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Whats better than a panda? A panda with an ice cream cone.

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Wanna hear a joke!? Miley Cyrus.

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your all shit at jokes

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table isn't a whore.

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What is the difference between Terri Schaivo and a basket of rotting vegetables? The rotting vegetables aren't edible.

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Why didn't the black man pay for his child support bills? He made some unwise financial decisions in the past and is working three part time jobs just to stay afloat.

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What's the difference between a black man and a monkey? Millions of years of evolution

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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