Why did the monkey scream? He was hungry

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Who flexes triceps more than anyone? James

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When does the Trogdor come? In the Niiiiighhhttttt.

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Whats worse than a dead dog? 5 dead babies and a dead dog...

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a carrot walks into a bar, carrots cant walk for they do not have legs.

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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Rose's Are Red Violet's are Blue You Should Be In A Zoo Dont Worry Ill Be There Too But I Wont Be In A Cage With You Ill Be Laughing At You.

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jokes r dumb

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Did you hear the Joke about the Deaf kid? Neither did he.

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what did the robot say to the centipede. Stop being a centipede!!!! Its funny because robots have arms.

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you are so ugly you continuously get made fun of for it everyday and already have a savings account for plastic surgery in the near future.

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What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about? They probably have to concentrate generally harder than the average musician in order to produce any correct, good quality notes.

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Rebecca Black sings a song.

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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What did the drummer say to other drummer? "Hey, I'm a drummer too."

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what's better than animal crackers? your mom.

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Send creepy emails to this email address: matt.harrington@highlandcatholic.org

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What did the blue man say to the purple lady? Do you want to make purple.

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Lets make like trees and stand still

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So I'm balls deep in this turkey dinner....... then i proceed to ejaculate into it and ruin my family's Thanksgiving along with their perception of me.

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks then comes home to his whole family murderd and mutilated

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What do you call a pickle that is sad? A pickle!????

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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