Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a big fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men did not come to help him because the United States does not have a patriarchal system of government.

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

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Why did the boy eat his homework? Because he already ate his dog.

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Why didn't the man show up for work on Monday? He gets Mondays off.

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Myspace

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What's invisible and smells like carrots? Carrots! ... well if they were invisible..

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What do clowns put on bagels? Cream Cheese

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Knock Knock Whos there? smell map smell map who?...really? I was in the middle of a phone call with my paraplegic wife's doctor, who was telling me that her condition has gotten worse and doesn't think she'll make it to the end of the month. You interrupted that in order to get me to say something that sounded like "smell my poo". Forget being allowed into my house, you should be worried about being allowed into heaven. Hopefully as you walk home today, someone will murder you.

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What do you call a cat with no legs and an inverted anus? Nothing, you're to horrified to speak.

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whats small, black, and crispy? a baby in a drier

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Who can jump higher than a mountain? Everyone, mountains are incapapable of jumping.

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A purple kangaroo hops into a bar. There is no such thing as a purple kangaroo. The end.

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why do asian people eat each other? because they are cannibles

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper with some red stuff on it.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman.

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So what happened after 911?? What do you think?

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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Nock nock. Whose there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh. ( mmmmooooo)

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A man walks into a store, and says to the cashier: "I'd like to buy 6 fridges". The cashier says: "Why do you need that many fridges?" The man says: "I'm an antelope!"

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Me: Knock Knock, Pornstar: Cum in.

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What do you call a black lifeguard? Ironic.

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What's worse than being raped? Finding out that because you were sexually violated, you are now a victim of unplanned pregnancy and have contracted AIDS and any number of other STD's from the horrible expirence that will forever haunt your nightmares.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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