what was the first thing Barack Obama said to the people of america? ... hi

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Jack and Jill went down the hill. And were lost and burnt in hell.

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What do you call a Russian civil war? A war in which one side wants to seced from the other.

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A englishmen an irishmen and a ginger walk off a bridge gingers have no souls

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Did you see that van with the word "Free Candy" painted on it? I'm also glad to see a successful entrepreneur capable of advertising free wares as an incentive to attract customers in such a recession. It's a great deal for both parties.

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Knock Knock Whos there? smell map smell map who?...really? I was in the middle of a phone call with my paraplegic wife's doctor, who was telling me that her condition has gotten worse and doesn't think she'll make it to the end of the month. You interrupted that in order to get me to say something that sounded like "smell my poo". Forget being allowed into my house, you should be worried about being allowed into heaven. Hopefully as you walk home today, someone will murder you.

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What's 1+1? 4.

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Why couldn't the woman go grocery shopping? She was paralyzed from the neck down.

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What do you call a man with no brain? dead.

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What happened at the finish line of the marathon? People collapsed in exhaustion, it was a marathon.

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A man has 72 cookies, he eats 64 of them. What does he have left? Diabetes.

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What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing, rocks are inanimate objects, therefore rendering them unable to participate in the activity of speech.

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What do you call a banana that's about to be eaten? A Banana

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have candy GET IN THE VAN NOW BEFORE SOMEBODEY SEES US!

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What do you call a person with no eyes? Blind.

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What do you call a jew with no money It doesn't really matter because all jews have money

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Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting fisted by hulk

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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Knock Knock Come In! Who me? Yeah. Ok.

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What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

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Why did Ashley run out of juice in her house? Because she drank it all!

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go go gadget

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what is poop in pee? bagel thins? tuesday.

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Why do you bury an Asian on the side of a hill? Because he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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