When life gives you melons, you know you're dyslexic.

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A man is walking on a beach when he finds a golden lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man he will grant three wishes. The man wastes his wishes on material goods that do not bring him happiness.

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Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

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Q: How do you surprise a newt? A: Jump on it while shouting, "slippers." This may not work as the newt may die before it has the chance to be surprised, however the slippers should be intact.

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how many fish does it take to turn on a lightbulb None, lightbulbs dont work in the ocean

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Jessica walks into a bar jokes jessica cant walk

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Whats a good source of iron? A piece of iron.

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A Black man walks out of a KFC.

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How do you kill a blue elephant, with a blue elephant gun, how do you kill a pink elephant, you strangle it until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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What happens if you throw a red ruby into the black sea? It gets wet.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead.

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roses are red, violets are blue, fudge is sweet, heres some fudge.

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What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

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why did the chicken cross the road Kill yoself

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken probably crossed the road because of some sort of impulse or external stimuli (most likely a bug or a worm located on the other side of the road) in which he or she responded to by proceeding to cross the road in order to get to the other side as chickens have a sense of cause to effect in which the effect would be consuming the bug or other living life form.

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A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

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What do Ethiopians do at Christmas ? Starve...

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How do you kill a Russian? You shoot him with a gun.

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An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

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What's worse than 9 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 9 trees.

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Why was Bill Clinton such a good president? He went to ifreeclub.com

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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