A bar walks into your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Hypothetical questions are a waste of time and you are not achieving your full potential by reading this during work.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Guess what? Chicken butt

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the boy un-able to talk He was retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb in WW2. None, the Nazis toke away the power and left them to die a Horrible and painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why couldn't the Little Boy hear his mother yelling at him? Because his mothers died

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are brown Violets are brown everything is brown Who shat in my garden?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

a fat black man walks into an aquarium he enjoyed his day viewing many sea animals while buying a souvenier on his way out.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

This is not Will Smith.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: Whats better than ten babies in ten trash cans? A: One baby in ten trash cans

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What can a bench do that a mexican can't? A: Support a family.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock. Go away!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

you wanna hear a joke? no

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

... and so the rabbi says "Don't worry. It was a kosher pickle anyway."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops