Oliver's friends

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How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Two black guys are in an elevator, one guy gets off at the sixth floor, and the other on the eighth. And thats it.

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what is green and has wheels? grass i lied about the wheels

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cried when I cut up the onion.

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A homeless person dies.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

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hahaha

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why do black people like basketball? because it envolves running shooting and stealing

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What happens when you are caught in the serious offense of killing somebody with intent? You get in trouble.

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A man walked into a haunted house and screamed. He had stepped on a nail.

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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You better run like your ass is under fire, because it will be if you don't.

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sweaty black guy

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Q: Why happened to the dead whale? A: It was shot by Asian pochures.

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Finding a repeated joke about no armed susy falling off a swing.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Do you think people can change? No. They can change their mind.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I think I may be colorblind.

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Why are white people typically not as good at basketball as black people? They don't have the hard work and dedication as those who are better.

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there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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