Did you hear about the anorexic with the yeast infection? Apparently she's really good at math, and if she can overcome her afflictions she wants to become an accountant one day.

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What do you call a black man who flies planes? A pilot, what do you call him you freaking racist!?!?!?!?!?

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Indeed.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What's the difference between zev hatis and a dwarf Nothing. They are both midgets and are going to die by the age of 25

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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there where 3 guys at a magic pool. if you jump in and say anything it appears in the pool. the first guy runs, jumps and says money!! he gets a bunch of money. the second guy runs, jumps and says gold!! he gets a bunch of gold. the third guy runs, slips says SHIT!!!! and lands in the pool.

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Your mother smells so bad that people make comments about it behind her back, and one person mailed her some soap.

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What do you call a bunch of balck men running down a hill. A bunch of balck men running down a hill.

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Why did the black guy jump into the pool? Because he wanted to go swimming

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why did susie get hit by the bus? cause the bus driver wanted her ice cream

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How do you know if you've been drinking too much? You find yourself in a closet screaming, "I'm in Narnia!!!"

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Women

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What do you call a person with no legs, no arms, no eyes, and no heart? Well he'd be dead wouldn't he?

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What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

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what do you call a black guy in a house? a burglar

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whats worse then finding a finger in your soup? - being a cook and losing a finger

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Knock-Knock "Who's there?" "It's the police. We have a search warrant."

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(insert Anti-Joke here)

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what did the robot say to the centipede. Stop being a centipede!!!! Its funny because robots have arms.

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why did the little old lady die? she was mugged then shot in the head 5 times.

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? - - - A: Nothing. If it is red all over, then it is not black and white.

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Hey you want to hear a joke? Oh well. Goodbye

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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