Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her an anti joke

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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Why did sally fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

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What did one deer say to the other? Nothing. The second deer was killed while they were eating and now the first deer is scarred dot life.

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What did the racist slave owner do when his slave refused to complete his task? Asked him nicely until the task was completed.

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What do you call a man that likes fishsticks? His name

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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You know what isn't funny? AIDS. You know what is? Brittany Spears with AIDS...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dying infants.

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Three tomatoes are walking down the street... No wait, they're in my salad.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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women's rights

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Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

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how do you get 100 dead babies in a bucket? use a blender. how do you get 100 dead babies out of a blender? Doritio's

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You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

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where's waldo? in a picture book.

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What does does an elephant and a grape have in common? They are both grapes except for the elephant.

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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The sandwich asked the girl to make her a boy.

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your mother is so lesbian

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Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says, "Why the long face?" and the horse says, "I have cancer."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops