Q: How do you surprise a newt? A: Jump on it while shouting, "slippers." This may not work as the newt may die before it has the chance to be surprised, however the slippers should be intact.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the man say to his wife? Go make me a sandwich!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did Ashley run out of juice in her house? Because she drank it all!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What is the difference between you and Chuck Norris? You're reading this and he's probably doing something productive.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dying infants.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

there are two hicks named Billy Bob and Joe. Billy Bob decides to go to college so he goes to sign up for classes. The Dean of the school decides to help him out and tells him he will be taking math, writing, and logic. Billy Bob is okay with the math and writing but then asks "what the hell is logic?" The Dean thinks for a moment and then says "Okay for example, do you have a weedwacker?" Billy Bob says "yeah i got a weed wacker" so then Dean says "So that probably means you have a yard." Billy Bob goes "yeah i got a yard" So the Dean says "so if youve got a yard you've probably got a house." Billy Bob goes "hell ya i got a house!" The Dean says "and if youve got a house that probably means you've got a wife." Billy Bob goes "ya! i got a wife" so the Dean says "If you have a wife then that means you are heterosexual" and Billy Bob goes "of course im heterosexual!" So the Dean goes "See Billy Bob, thats logic." Amazed by this, Billy Bob goes back to Joe and starts to tell him about his classes. He explains he will be taking math, writing and logic. Joe is confused so he asked Billy Bob "what the hell is logic!?" Billy Bob thinks for a moment and goes "okay how can i explain this....okay joe, do you have a weed wacker?" and Joe responds "no Billy Bob i dont got a week wacker..." Billy Bob: "I KNEW YOU WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A Kinect

thumb_up thumb_down +32

wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the worst thing about being homeless? Not having a home.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Two guys walk into a bar, one is treated for a concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was Bill Clinton such a good president? He went to ifreeclub.com

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other one's a watermelon

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How do you stop someone from dying of cancer? Shoot them in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock knock. Who's there? I am.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A fat man walks into a bar. There is a 70% chance his mom is fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops