i fondle myself every night....

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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what did the book say to the lamp? nothing because BOOKS CANT TALK

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Why did the lady spill her coffee? The waiter accidently ran into her and then apologized.

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Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

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a drug dealer was caught and sent to jail. he asks the cop if he could give the cop the drugs for bail. the cop does not except the offer because it is against the law.

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A murderer takes you hostage. He lists three ways that you will die, but he lets you choose your death: 1. A bullet in your head. 2. A knife in your heart. 3. A lethal injection. What do you choose? It doesn't matter. You're dead.

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Chuck Norris can fly around the world in under 2 days. In an airplane.

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Why did the cow cross the road?..I didn't know the intentions of the cow, but an elderly woman in an automobile experienced a collision with the animal that ended not only the life of the cow but of the elderly woman as well.

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Your momma's of a reasonable figure and weight.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? he was epileptic

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What's big, grey and can't swim? A castle

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because-- ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????? ??????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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What type of food was the black guy eating? fruit, he is on a diet

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Joseph Kony. Give me your children.

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your mother's head is so big that she wears very big hats.

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Me: Knock Knock, Pornstar: Cum in.

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There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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- Knock Knock. - Who's there? - You're coming with me.

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Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a tasty treat you can peal and enjoy and the other is an orange

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Mmmm, donuts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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