What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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What happend when Chuck Norris did a push up? He did one push up.

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why are these jokes so funny? why are u so fat bitch

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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Hey! did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she...

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What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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Why did the black man win the staring contest? He's good at staring

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

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What did the guy say to the mushroom?

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why was little tommy thirsty? because he had juvenile diobetese

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If a midget is mentally retarded and always late for work, is it okay to call him a little tardy?

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Why can't Hank swim? Hank is a rock

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whats worse than one bee sting... two bee stings whats worse than two bee stings... the holocaust whats worse than the holocaust... three bee stings

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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Whats blue, sticky and glows only during the morning? IDK -Lets go Mets

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Binladen coming to a beach near you :D

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

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why did dinosaurs die??? because a giant rock blew them up

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Why did the White guy wanna be Black? He liked basketball.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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