Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind.

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Whats the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? There are far to many differences between humans and birds to consider for this question. A small list might include wings, feathers, and mating habits to name a few.

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Why did the burglar rob the bank? because he needed money due to the economic decline.

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A man walks into a bar, but it's really not his fault because his seeing eye dog led him right into it.

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What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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What happend when Chuck Norris did a push up? He did one push up.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

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How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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What type of movies do pirates watch? None they are on a boat!

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What did the guy say to the mushroom?

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Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

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why was little tommy thirsty? because he had juvenile diobetese

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Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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If a midget is mentally retarded and always late for work, is it okay to call him a little tardy?

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Whats blue, sticky and glows only during the morning? IDK -Lets go Mets

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am.

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why did dinosaurs die??? because a giant rock blew them up

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A blond is stranded on a desert island when she finds a magic lamp. Except it's actually a rock and she is hallucinating due to dehydration and starvation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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