What do you call a cow with big horns? A bull.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? STOLEN! You're under arrest.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber

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Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

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what are you eating under there? oh a sandwich, its actually really good.... want a bite? yea thanks! yum yum

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Q. What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name.

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What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

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If John has 50 candy bars, and he eats 45, how many cadybars does John have? Diabetes, John has diabetes.

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Whats the difference between a duck? Yellow bills.

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That awkward moment were your giving your girlfriend a blowjob then you realize your giving your girlfriend a blowjob.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

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Two guys were sitting in a pub.

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Why did our black president put a porch swing on the white house? He likes to swing.

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What's pink and smells like a red rose? A pink rose.

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What's worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

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3 black men walk into a bar. They order their drinks, tip the bartender, and could not have been more courteous.

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What's brown and wears glasses? A poo with bad eyesight.

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Whats the definition of helpless? A quadraplegic in a washing machine

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Freedom of Speech

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How do you make $10,000 in 1 day? I don't know, but I wish I did.

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Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

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Your mother smells so bad that she scheduled an appointment with her doctor, who prescribed her deodorant soap and chlorophyll and suggested she see a therapist for her chronic self esteem problems.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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