What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because his socks were slightly damp resulting in evaporation and the cooling of his feet, as well as the cold weather in December.

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how do you confuse a brunette? tell a joke about how there are no beaches in florida

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A man walked into a bar and suffered a mild concusion.

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How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

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A farmer goes out to the coop to feed the chickens. They're all dead.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

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Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

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why was little tommy thirsty? because he had juvenile diobetese

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What's red and round? A red and round solid.

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She was shot Knock knock Who's there? Sally Aren't you dead? Oh yeah K Well imma go be dead now Have fun K

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A man with a ski mask on enters a bank, he just came back from the slopes.

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Why do you never hit a black man with your car? Because that's vehicular homicide.

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Knock knock. Who's there? President. President who? The President of the United States.

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why did dinosaurs die??? because a giant rock blew them up

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because people kept making the same joke about her not having arms so she was hoping the fall would break her neck.

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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