What do you call a black lifeguard? Ironic.

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Why does my girlfriend pee standing up? Because he is a man.

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"What starts with F and ends with a K?" "firetruck?" "no, f u c k"

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Why did the burglar rob the bank? because he needed money due to the economic decline.

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A black man and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? The mexican, the black man broke his arm and the mexican is driving him to the hospital.

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Whats the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? There are far to many differences between humans and birds to consider for this question. A small list might include wings, feathers, and mating habits to name a few.

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A man walks into a bar, but it's really not his fault because his seeing eye dog led him right into it.

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What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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What's worse than losing your job? 9/11

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What do you call a fish that is missing an eye. fsh.

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how do you confuse a brunette? tell a joke about how there are no beaches in florida

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it was being sexually abused by its father.

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How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

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That's what he said.

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A man walked into a bar and suffered a mild concusion.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

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Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

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What's red and round? A red and round solid.

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why was little tommy thirsty? because he had juvenile diobetese

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She was shot Knock knock Who's there? Sally Aren't you dead? Oh yeah K Well imma go be dead now Have fun K

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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