How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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A black man logs on to facebook. He checks his news feed then logs off

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a ginger named corey walks into a bad and gets pistol whipped after raping his classmate

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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I have cancer. And you're next.

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What's the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You could always eat the bowling ball if you really had to.

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There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

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Someone asked me "What rhymes with Orange?" I replied "Door hinge." He punched me.

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Your son's coming to my son's birthday party, right?

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I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality, and sado-masochism; but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? Because the numerous failed attempts of crossing over the years deemed it almost impossible, therefore, chicken could no longer see the point in life.

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Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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What's worse than leaving the maternity ward with the wrong child? Being a parent.

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what do u call a hairy cow? Harry

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hey girl, My Gyarados is BIG enough for you to ride it ALL day and night

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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How do you stop a baby from crawling circles? You nail it's other hand to the floor too

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

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What wuld u do for a klondike bar? Nothing taste like shit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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