- Anti Joke

Why did little Annie fall off the swing? Cause her penis was too heavy.

How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

Why did the chicken cross the road? His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers' body-gaurds, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Froghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Froghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

Why do showers have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers

What do you call white people on a bench? NBA What do you call black people on a bench? RTA

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

person 1: don't look person 2:Why person 1:because my shirt not on and my boobs are jiggiling

Do you know why, when geese fly south for the winter, one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

Why are black people like jelly beans? Nobody likes the black ones

Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

What's the difference between a Pile of Dead Babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamboghini in my garage

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

Do they censor Ass? TESTING TESTING ASS ASS ASS

Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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