Roses are red, my binoculars are blue. When your window's open, i'm watching you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Someone said "catch" and threw a bowling ball at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

roses are red violets are blue i need a pee and so do u

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why is brennan hart a dumbass idk ask his mom

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: a man in a camry runs over his wife. who's fault is it? A: toyota and their breaks.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man is walking down the street in Chicago. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks him, "Excuse me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?", at which the man on the street said, "Go straight here, turn onto Birch, follow that to the second stop light, then turn left on Main, big complex, can't miss it." "Thank you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's brown and sticky? "A stick?" No, poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

These Jokes suck.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you get when you cross a black man and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure would pick a lot of cotton.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

caoimhin is a dorty carrot

thumb_up thumb_down +1

WELCOME TO THE GARLIC BOYS SHOW! So kids, what are we gonna eat today? POTATOES! FUUUUUUU! Moral: You say tomata, I say WROOOOOOOONG, you say cheap I say your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The way I see it, you are pretty lucky I am a tough guy, the kind you like. Anyway you where really wondering if I ever refer myself as a boy? Sigh, I mean I AM A BOY! WHAT? WHAT? Savage jokes? What jokes?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call six white guys on a bench? Six white guys at the park

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops