Why did the retard have no friends? Because somebody stitched his mouth and eyes shut so he couldn't be social.

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Chuck Norris can fly around the world in under 2 days. In an airplane.

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Q. Why did billy die? A. Becuase everyone dies in life

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An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a Coke.

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why did the sock go to kroger cause he was laying on the couch

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What did the dog do when it raised its leg? It peed.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was food there.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Banana

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Commie. Commie who? Commie Johnson. We went to high school together.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? he was epileptic

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What is a terrible tragedy and wears ice skates? Holocaust; The musical on ice

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What did the bullied schoolboy do when he got home from school? He cried himself to sleep.

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Black Poeple

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whats slower then a turtle A FATTY

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Once upon a time there was a little puppy. He then grew old and died.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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I am black.

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What is a chinese person in your house? A human being

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if you are what you eat then arent pornstars considered vaginas?

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A black man killed someone

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I was walking on the beach when I heard a man yell "Help, Shark, Help!" and I laughed, because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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