A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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fridge

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knock knock whose there? you have AIDS

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

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Your mama was so fat that when she did the splits she gave the floor a hickey

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How many blonde chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to set the house on fire, and the other to call 119.

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Roses are red, The grass is greener, Every time i'm with you, I touch my wiener.

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whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? babies aren't fruit.

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What's hot and cold at the same time? Hotcold.

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Q: What is strange about Arabs? A: Very little.

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a black man and a Mexican are in the back seat of the car. whos driving the car? their best friend

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did The Chicken cross The Road? The Chicken was a new drug dealer to town and he did a deal with The Road , the town's existing drug dealer (they used these nicknames to hide their identities), but then back stabbed him to try and take the whole area for himself. Money and Power, as always.

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Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

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Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

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They say duck tape can fix every thing, Not my grandma's cancer for that matter.

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What did the dying man say to his friends? Nothing. He had no friends.

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Why did the boy tell the fly to eat the cheese? A: because he wanted him to

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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Your moms so stupid she ate all the food in the grocery store

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If you could eliminate one thing in your life, what would it be ? My ex.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.

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What was the only thing the little boy from tanzania had? AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops