A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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What did the cow say to the chicken crossing the road? Moo

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A cat playing laser tag.

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what do u call a hairy cow? Harry

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what did the apple say to the orange ? nothing, apples are a fruit and do not have any organs which allow it to be able to talk.

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While getting Sherrie's Crabcakes I was arrested by Missy Hepp highway patrol.

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you can either take the test now or on monday. (hand movement)

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What happened when the Asian girl got a B on her report card? She committed suicide

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What's white and sticky.... Jizz

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Four gay men go to a bar and enjoy a drink celebrating their long lived platonic relationship.

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Why was the minority sad? Because the police beat him and then he was raped in jail.

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Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

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You're tearing apart, Lisa!

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An man was tested positive for HIV. He then called his girlfriend and told her she should get tested.

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? Becuase he was hit by a couch.

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Q. How many dead babies can you fit into a bathtub? A. That obviously depends on the size of the bathtub and each individual infant.

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Why did the hamster cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Bob Bob who? Your neighbor

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What did the german speech therapist say to his mute patient? There a few methods we can use to help you obtain the power of speech.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he was on his wheelchair.

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what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

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What do you get when you breed a dog and a cat together? A call from the RSPCA.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops