" Want to hear a good anti-joke?! " " Sure! " " Me too. "

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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a lady says, " i cant stand this." Th guy next to her had his legs blown off and will never be able to stand again.

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Two muffins are sitting in a oven, The other muffin says to the other muffin nothing, Because muffins are unable of human conversation.

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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why did the bear fall out of the tree? He died. Why did the raccoon fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the bear.

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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