How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

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What did the strawberry say to the elephant? Nothing. Because it's a strawberry and strawberries can't talk.

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9/11 my birthday

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Q: What did osama bin laden say to the worker behind the gas station counter? A: May I buy this bag of chips?

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

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Q: What do you get when you have water, sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate, glycerin, disodium lauroamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, cocamidopropyl, betaine, PEG-6 Phenoxyethanol, PPG-15 Stearyl, Ether, Citric Acid, isocateth-20, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Tetrasodium EDTA, Xanthan Gum, Propylparben, Ethylparagen, and Camelia Sinensis Leaf Extract? A: All New Clean & Clear Oil Free Make-up Dissolving Foaming Cleanser.

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why did the girl ask for food? because she was hungry and hadnt eaten in days.

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Why did the boy cry after baseball practice? He was molested by his coach.

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Why didn't the pregnant, pro-choice woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

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How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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What did the terrorist get for Christmas? A bullet in his head.

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What did the man on the moon say? ...Im on the moon.

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Man goes to the doctors, says doctor, im depressed. ive tried everything but i just cant see the bright side of life anymore, it seems empty to me, like theres no point in existing. The doctor certifies the man as clinically depressed and alerts the relevant authorities.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench is an object and the black man is a human being.

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What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimers, Cheese in toast,

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why was the little boy screaming. he realized he was an asian

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Why did the black man go to jail? Because he committed a criminal offense.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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