Roses are red. Violets are violet.

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Why was Jimi's mom sad? Because Jimi suddenly fell to the floor clenching his neck while saying "I'm Dying!"

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Q: What do you call a person with no arms and no legs ??? A: Stumpy

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How do you make a sandwich? Go into the kitchen and make a sandwich.

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When Harry met Sally, she slapped him twice without reason, walked away and kept on with her day.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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Hey I just meet you. And this is crazy, but im a Zombie. And you looks tasty!

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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Hey i just met you, and this us crazy! Heres some toilet paper, wipe my ass maybe?

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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Q: What's worse than finding a shrimp platter on a babys hand. A: A baby's hand on a shrimp platter

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"Merry Christmas, Mom! My gift to you is...ME!" "I brought you into this life you disrespectful brat!" He then proceeds to a cliff.

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red is black green is black i'm batman i'm white,

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Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

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Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

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What did the worm a fisherman used to catch fish called when the worm killed a trout? Master Bate.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an orange and finding a worm.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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