If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest for drug trafficking and possession of illegal firearms. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say...

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What is up, the color blue and has a face? the sky. there is no face.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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You know what's funny with rape? Nothing. It's horror.

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HAVE A GOOD DAY. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

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The global news

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener.

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How do you drown a blonde? A: Drowing any person no matter the color of their hair is conpletely illegal and considered murder.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead.

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Knock knock. Come right on in.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Not only did 7 have that intimidating look to him, but 6 had recently found out that he was a well known mob boss who also went by the name of Lucky Seven. he was in charge of a gang called The Prime Numbers. They had been terrorizing 6's city for sometime now, whether it was stealing, mugging, or even killing or vandalism. 6 sure had a lot to fear, but he knew things might turn out well, as 6 had a great ability to try his best and do what he believed in: Justice

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A man works at a Doritos factory hes worked there for a few weeks and hes made the most Doritos in his line now and the head of the company gives him a promotion he now runs his own line a few months later the head of the company bob comes back to him and promoted him again to now our friend Carl is head of the Factory about two years later bob comes to Carl and hes promoted to head of the east coast he is head of 27 Factories about a decade later bob asks Carl if when he retires Carl will take over the company and he accepts bobs offer 23 years pass and bob retires Carl is the new head of the company so he is about like 65 at this point and he wants some wine so him and his buddies go for some wine Dan says Carl this lines two long so they decide to have some soda and then Jason says this lines longer then the last one so Aiden says to Carl why don't we go get some punch so they all got into line but there was no punch line a.w. j.p.

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Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

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Holy Fish Sticks Batman! Batman and Robin were at a church and saw a priest eating fish sticks.

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What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

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I will grant you one wish, but it sure as hell isn't coming true!

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What happened when Johnny fell off of his bike? He suffered a very tragic and fatal brain hemorrhage resulting in a lower population by a minute percentile that is undetectable by the US Census.

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Why are black people like trees? Because they fall down if you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What is green, walks on four legs, and is capable of the strongest bite in the world? An alligator.

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What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

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How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Pick it up and put it in a crib, like a responsible parent.

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Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Only musicians will understand.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops