Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: How did Helen Keller cross the street? A: She walked.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Do you know what one golf ball said to the other? Nothing they are lifeless objects

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than hitting your funny bone on a chair............... Hearing one person say "its friday" then realizing that you are now singing

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q:Why is the WMBA so unsuccessful? A:Barely anyone watches it

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you call a white man in a black neighborhood a minority

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police. They see a barn, and decide to hide inside it. They find three burlap sacks, and each hide in one. The police enter the barn, arrest each of the girls, and sentence them to life imprisonment for murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is hard, long, moist, and flesh colored? A hotdog you dirty, dirty bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the guy round second base? to get to 3rd

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what's hotter than my cousin's girlfriend? I don't know. she's remarkably hot. like, one of the hottest people I personally know.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

12 in general

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's black and sits at the top of the stair case? Stephen hawking in a house fire.......

thumb_up thumb_down +2

caoimhin is a dorty carrot

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats funnier than a dead baby? many things. a dead baby is a very sad and tragic thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops