- Anti Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

Why doesn't Batman exist? Because he was made up.

What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

What did the (real) wrestler say to the U.F.C guy? Probably something nice because most U.F.C fighters were wrestlers.

Elise's parents have four children. The first's name is April, the second's name is May, the third's name is June. What's the fourth children's name ? July. Elise is adopted, and thus does not count.

There's a donut on a cruise ship and he goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain goes "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and says "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain replies "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain says "NO!" and throws him over board Theres a couple on the cruise ship and the man was going to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and propose. So he was showing his bestfriend (who was also on the cruise ship) the ring. But was he pulled it out the wind picked up and the ring fell over board. So the man was forced to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and couldn't propose. So they go to dinner and the both get crab. And when they open up the crab and guess what's in the crab?! Not the ring the donut!!!

I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload one with a pitchfork

Fred: Hey man where were you last night. Steve: Why don't yo ask yo mama.

If you work at Penn State you might want to skip the annual "bring your kid to work day"

what is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a cadilac. a cadilac is something i want

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because grass don't eat meat.

What do you call a chicken who crosses a road? Nothing, its still a chicken

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

i hate it when people repeat the same jokes. i just hate it when people repeat the same jokes.

Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

Why did the woman make so many sandwiches? She was a mother catering for her child's sporting event.

A black man walks into a KFC. He buys a bucket of chicken, then distributes it to several homeless men he supports off of his meager income because he knows their situations are much worse than his.

What did the black man say to the white man? Hey, I like your shirt.

roses are red poo is poo

what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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