How do you keep a dog from barking? Kill it.

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Once upon a time there was beautiful princess, ONCE!

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A whole family go to a water park. They have a great day.

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Why did the man throw his alarm clock out the window? Because he has anger management issues.

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knock knock. who's there greench greench who greenchicken feathers

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why did the chicken cross the road. why? because he felt like it

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What happens if you throw a red ruby into the black sea? It gets wet.

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Why do black people ride Septa? Because septa is an affordable and convenient means of transportation.

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What's the difference between an Asian driver and a Belgian prostitute? Nothing at all: Marie-Edith Yang is proud of her mixed heritage, and earns a decent wage in a relatively clean brothel in the lovely little medieval town of Bruges.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Waking up with a snapping turtle up your butt.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar He sits down and has some trouble reading the menu but orders a beer

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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whats straight as a fudge packer kyle grund

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What blue and red? poop in a saggy bag

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Dana Cohen not having herpes.

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Matt swam through watter. Gaby drowned on dry land.

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Roses are shit Violets are my dick Guess what I do for a living? Sex with refrigerator monkeys!

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What did the dog say when his family's grandmother came back to life from the dead and ate everyone? Nothing. This is a highly improbable situation, and furthermore, dogs cannot speak.

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Q. How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Lets go ride bikes

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Q:Whats the difference between a dead dog and a dead baby? A:The dog has skidmarks in front of it -RDV

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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A dyslexic pimp buys a warehouse.

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How do you make a bird drop a worm? Wring it's neck. P.S: If that anti-joke didn't persuade you to vote thumbs up for this post, then perhaps these delightful lyrics will convince you otherwise. I see them staring back at me They know my name The faces in the sky are looking for something more My friends have paper smiles and laugh at me in all my trials Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia My friends have hollow eyes They're made of shapes and curvy lines Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow [. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elena-siegman-lyrics/pareidolia-lyrics.html .] My pareidolia The loneliness is only missed when I am alone O yeah I might try to find my light tonight Hide my sight from eyes I try to fight My nine eyes of light die by the blight Ride white knight unite my plight tonight They're inside me They're inside me I'm inside out I'm inside out They're all around Within without Within without They're inside I'm outisde They're all around They're all around They're inside me I'm inside out They're all around Within without It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia la lalala lalala lalala lala

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what has wings, bald but doesn't fly? a bald eagle... i lied at the flying part because i'm a f*cking lier from hell watching porn all day with my brother...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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