Whats the funniest part about 911? Over 1,000 People Died

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One day there was a guy who went on a date with a girl. They went to the movies and ate popcorn. After the movie ended they had a candlelit dinner at a restaurant nearby. The guy ordered a fried chicken and the girl ordered a watermelon salad. They went home after a great dinner. I'm not sure how the story ends but I remember the story was racist.

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the awkward when you said "moment" in your head

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A baby seal walks in to a club

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A guy walks into a bar with a sad and depressed look on his face. the bartender says why the long face. The depressed guys think "how bad of eye sight he has my face is the average diameter of about 20 cm long"

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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Once upon a time there was a little puppy. He then grew old and died.

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What is wrong with racism? A lot of things.

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what do you call someone that ran into a wall hurt

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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What does the time bomb say to the idiot? Nothing, time bombs are inanimate objects and therefore can't speak.

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How do you estimate the number of jippos in an area? Take the dole's numbers from that area and measure how far away they are from the nearest council landfill site.

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Fruitcake

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What did the giraffe say to the monkey? Nothing

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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What's the difference between blacks and whites? The skin color

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A hiker gets lost on a trail and ends up wondering deep into the woods. He comes upon an amish farm. He knocks on the door and an amish man answers. The hiker explains his predicament, and the amish man says "sure you can stay in barn, but promise me one thing, don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course I won't". He then goes to the barn. Right before the hiker falls asleep. The amish farmer comes in and says "make sure you don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course not". So the next morning the hiker is rested, well fed and is about to leave when the amish man approaches and says, "Thank you being decent and christian like."

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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What is the difference between men and women? Several physical functions such has the reproductive systems, bone structure, and voice pitch.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

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Why did Donald Duck go to college? He didn't, he's a fictional cartoon character.

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What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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