A man is eating in a restaurant and says, "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, can I bring you some salad instead?"

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Feel free to call me, forget the money, as for my fucking eye, I just sure as hell hope those responsible are rotting in prison. I mean I just lost an eye right? Just kidding, I am the one who has been dead wrong here, I judged you wrong, I am the fuck that seems to feel responsible for the actions of others at times, then again I thought that you where sending them against me, they surely claimed they where, but fuck, people use all sorts of things and people as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want.

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Q. How many blondes does it take to put in a lightbulb? A. Cause of 7,8,9!

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What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

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what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

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Q:What's similar between a squirel and a eagle? A:Both have wings, exept for the squirrel.

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Knock knock knock OCD

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what happened to the slut last time she opened her legs. a bee flew in and stung her. turned out she was deathly allergic. she died a painful death.

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

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How do you drown a blond girl? Forcibly hold her head under water until it enters the lungs and prevents the absorption of oxygen leading to cerebral hypoxia and myocardial infarction.

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What did the smoker say when he coughed? Ohhh dam it's turned into a smokers cough

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what's red and has seven feet? the red man who had seven feet as a result of a serious genetic mutation

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How do you make a miner sad? You cut his d*ck off then feed it to his family.

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What do you call a fish with no eye? Blind.

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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What do you call a black hitch hiker: stranded

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How did the corpse cross the road? They can't cross the road they're dead.

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What's the difference between an orange and a banana? they're spelled differently

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Names.

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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Whats funnier than 24. ... DEEZ NUTS.

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Most adults can swim. Current government studies are investigating similar skills in babies. With unnecessarily large pools.

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What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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A man goes up to an old friend and says: "Help me, I just found out that my friend is gay! What should I do!?" The other man replies: "If there is no problem, I cannot help you... Yet, there is one. Your homophobia. I suggest that you see a therapist immediately and I hope that you can get over the fact of the contemplation of a sexuality."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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