roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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Q: Why did your mom cross the street? A: Because she was so ugly that she fell off both sides of the bed

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Why a polar bear fell over? He drank so much

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If your Jewish, then don't go to Germany.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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This is an anti-joke.

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Allmighty Genie vs Common douche Genie: I the allmighty Genie am at your command, I can grant you any three WISHES Common douche: Okay! I want to sit on my own lap Genie: Uh...Well...You uh sure you want that? I Uh... Wait a moment please... Wimp wins Genieous victory.

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What do you call white people on a bench? NBA What do you call black people on a bench? RTA

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What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Doctor Interru--- You Have Cancer...

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what did the black guy say to the white guy? black guy: hello how are you doing white guy: good i guess.... just heard they shut down KFC black guy: that sucks

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because his ears were stapled to the floor.

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A man finds out he was molested by his father as a child.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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Knock knock Who's there It's a policeman informing you that your parents have been killed in a car crash. Your Dad, who has been struggling with substance abuse and depression, found out his wife had been cheating on him, and in a drunken rage, wrapped the car around a tree.

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Why do people make jokes about cancer? Oviously to get thier ass kicked!!! -BY:KOLBY HOOKS

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A man walks into a bar at 4:00 PM NO it was actually 4:01 because my clock is messed up and My dad likes cheese plus pie

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the person above me ^ lost his virginity to a howler monkey and the person below me was his gay friend untill he found out about his recent run in with a howler monkey and does not wish the same fait as he does.

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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haha

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I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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