How many British people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to hold the flashlight because the room is probably dark.

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What did the cat say when someone pointed out that cats can't talk? Meow.

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Why are rich people usually fat? They're living large

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Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

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How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen Beatle? Two in the front, two in the back, and one hundred in the ash tray.

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Three penguins sitting in a tub. The first penguin says to the third penguin, "Hey would you pass the soap?" The penguin in the middle says, "What do you think I am a typewriter?"

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Why do black people like watermelon? Because it good you racist bastard!

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What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

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Whats 1+1? window!

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What did the sad man say to the happy man? He didn't say anything he was so sad he killed himself.

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Why was the Jewish man celebrating cinco de mayo? Because he likes other cultures and Mexican food Except pork

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Imagine yourself in a box with no windows and no doors. How do you get out? Stop imagining.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "How much?! No thanks, I think I'll shop around."

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why does chuck norris not have a middle name? because his parents didn't want him to have one.

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Whats worst than finding a worm in your apple? Going to antijoke.com instead of anti-joke.com

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Why did the stop sign run a red light? Because it couldn't see its face...

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You are joking right?

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What's worse than getting a apple and finding a worm in it. Getting hit in the face with a meteorite.

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Women's rights.

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What did the orange say to the apple? “To be sentient is truly unbearable without sexual organs.”

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana Your parents must have little regard for your social identity because they named you after a tropical fruit. Either that or you are clinically insane. I am concerned; please leave.

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Its alright for you to act like a bitch but its not allright for me to call u one

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Your mother is so fat, we needs two fat jokes to adequatly make fun of her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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